DEAR ABBY: I play pickleball with a pleasant group of individuals. Partners usually break up after every sport. One day, nevertheless, a girl informed me I used to be her favourite companion. From that day on, she performed with me as typically as doable, though she may have chosen companions who have been higher gamers than me, and received extra video games.
Abby, she is probably the most enticing girl I’ve ever met, and never simply bodily — she’s good, pleasant, athletic, caring, supportive and actually enjoyable to play with. I’m not used to having girls like her take note of me, and it feels nice. She’s married, however I can’t assist having a crush on her, a sense I’m fairly certain isn’t mutual — and due to this fact not applicable — but I take into consideration her on a regular basis.
How can I recover from this sense? Should I inform her I’ve a crush on her, which might in all probability drive her away? Should I give up being her companion? Or ought to I simply preserve all the pieces the identical and hope the attraction regularly fades? I like enjoying together with her, and I don’t wish to cease. — BIG CRUSH IN NEW YORK
DEAR CRUSH: What in the event you inform this girl you could have a crush on her and he or she responds by telling you she additionally has a crush on you? Where would that lead? She’s married. Clearly, there’s a mutual attraction, and it isn’t based mostly on how effectively you play the sport of pickleball. Maybe you might be simple to be round, or she likes your humorousness.
Your crush could or could not fade with time. Because you benefit from the contact you could have together with her, proceed being her companion until it progresses to one thing that makes both of you uncomfortable. (Or too comfy.)
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been in a relationship for practically 20 years. We should not married. For three-fourths of this relationship, I’ve been the one who pays for all the pieces (with my incapacity examine). He refuses to search for a job. When I informed him a couple of years again that I wasn’t completely satisfied, his solely response earlier than leaving the room was to ask, “Do you’re keen on me?”
Every time I point out the payments or his getting a job, I’m met with excuses. We had talked about shifting, as a result of I had acquired an inheritance. Now it’s as if his concepts for a house are extra vital than mine, plus I’m nonetheless anticipated to pay for all of it.
I need out, however he has loads of stuff — and I imply lots — and nowhere to go. I really feel responsible. I do know I’ve let it occur and have tolerated it, but when I say something, he acts like a 5-year-old having a tantrum. He’s very detrimental and mocks something I attempt to do to enhance myself. Please inform me what to do. — LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT
DEAR LOOKING: When your freeloader requested, “Do you’re keen on me?,” it is best to have responded with, “Do you’re keen on me? Because in the event you do, you’d discover a job and assist with the funds.” Sponging off a lonely girl isn’t love. It’s extortion. If you actually wish to enhance your self, give him a date to get himself and his stuff out of there and follow it.
Warning: You could have to seek the advice of an lawyer so you already know your choices as a result of his tantrums, fairly than being an indication of affection, look like an try and bully you into letting him proceed to take benefit.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.